I met a guy on Tinder who promised me a night to remember. Little did I know how true that would be… for all the wrong reasons. It all started well, with drinks in a cocktail bar that eventually took us back to my flat and my bedroom. After a reasonable session, we fell asleep. About two hours later, I felt a warm, wet sensation spreading across my back. Coming to, I darted out of bed and wrenched the now sodden sheets off my sleeping lover…he’d only gone and pissed the bed!

So there I stood, covered in piss, holding piss-stained sheets and staring at the man that put me in this situation. What was I going to do? Before I had a chance to decide, Mr Piss arose from the bed, felt down at himself and tore his pants off, as if shocked by their wet state. As the horror pants flew through the air, we both stood still, piss still dripping. SMACK! It hit my face with the force of a flipped wet towel.

And so there I stood, piss-stained pants wrapped around my face. Mr Piss is standing in front of me. “I think I’d better go now,” he muttered. I offered him back his pants. He declined. Then off he went, in all of his clothes apart from his pants, and there I remained. In my room with a pair of piss-stained pants and a piss-stained bed. A night to remember? I hope not!